I guess I am really the last person to be giving relationship advice to anyone, that said this isnt advice at all, when I was a teenager I was involved in helping out with kids with special needs, next to the highschool that i went to was a school targeted at these wonderful kids, while there I made friends with one of the parents of a student, her name was Hazel.
Hazel was a lovely lady from California who had immigrated to Australia, she was always there to help people out if she could and one instance that sticks in my mind is the day we saw the car in front of us slide of the road in the rain. When we spoke to the driver of the car we found out that he had just lost his job, had a new baby and that his car had really bald tyres. So Hazel in her usual compassionate way took him down to the nearest tyre fitter and paid for a set of retreads for his car, and yes there are people like that in this world.
Well back to the story at hand, we fell in love. Now that may not sound like anything until you take in to consideration the following, I was 16 and she was 42 hence why I am never one to judge relationships based on the age diffrence. She was also married and choose to leave her husband to be with me. Now I am not proud that I broke up a marriage for our relationship to contimue but what I do know now in my life was I really was in love with Hazel and I honestly belive we would still be together if she was still alive.
Now this is the heart of the post.
Hazel fell pregenant with my child, She was a diabetic that unknown to her at the time had early stage renal failure, the pregnancy caused her kidneys to fail completely I blamed myself and this in turn required her to abort the pregnancy to save her own life. It was devasting to both of us and it made our relationship that much stronger.
The renal failure resulted in Hazel having Peritoneal Dialysis wikipedia four times a day, this went on for about 2 1/2 years. One day Hazel was out and about and I got a phone call from the hospital informing me that a kidney was ready for transplant and we had 50 minutes to get to the hospital. Now this was before mobile phones, so I started ringing the shopping centres and had them page her while I was getting her daughter organised to take hazel to the hospital. Well we did manage to find her and get to the hospital, the transplant itself went really well and her urine output was really good even before she had woken up from the surgery, but (theres always a but isnt there in these stories) during the operation a blood clot had gone to her brain and she suffered a major stroke resulting in complete paralysis of both sides of her body I blamed myself .
It took 18 months of intense physio but Hazel was progressing to the point that she had been able to come home for a weekend or two and was able to take a few steps unassisted, things seemed to be shaping up. Then one morning at 10:17 I got a phone call from Hazel and just before she hungup she said to me "Dont worry, everything will be ok!", Now you might be asking why I highlighted everything. It is because she knew what was coming next and that is why she didnt say "Dont worry I will be okay" because at 10:39 the doctor rang me to tell me that Hazel had died I blamed myself from a blood clot that had blocked off the blood flow to her lungs. (That day is imprinted in to my mind)
It is only just recently that I have realized that she was right, I shouldnt worry as everthing will be ok and I also now know that I should not blame myself, Hazel fell in love with me, she knew she was pregnant and knew the risks she was facing trying to carry the baby, she made that choice because she loved me and for that reason and that reason only I needed to move on with my life, and it is because she did love me that I need to say to her that I am sorry that it has taken me more then 15 years to do it. Maybe that is why I have had problems in relationships as well as the borderline, I hadnt let Hazel go, I was clinging on instead of respecting her memories, but then when Ive been in relationships that make me feel bad for mentioning someone I loved who had died, they were jealous of her, maybe I gave them a reason to be jealous. Well not any longer. I have moved on. I Dont blame myself as blaming myself is blaming you for loving me and me for loving you.
Hazel I loved you..
Hazel I was in love with you..
Hazel I will always love you..
Hazel You will always be in my Heart..
God bless you..
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